Cool and Clean jokes, Hussain! I enjoyed and had a good dose of laugh...will think of some to contribute soon, but right now I am still laughing my gut out! LOL
Good JOb!

thank u so much
just keep smiling :-)

hahaha im going to laugh not smile Hussain.........love it,nice joke.

thanks you for makingus smile.

u r welcome
keep smiling :-)

ok ,
i m also smiling with u , becaz i like smiling people

always keep smiling :-)

that is cute

hai thank u soooooooooooooooooooooo much 4 making us smile.

u r welcome
just keep smiling :-)

It is really strange creature

:-)

Clean and nice jokes. Keep it up and make this site moving

yah this is what i am trying to do
keep smiling :-)

Yes if you keep on smiling, luck would keep on coming in. Smile will keep you more younger.

that is right
so keep smiling :-)

I will do as what you do. If I do maybe I will be as handsome as you. So I will keep on smiling.

yah and u r handsome too
keep smiling :-)

Oh thank you and see you back online. I am not as handsome as you are. I will keep smiling. What is the time in Qatar now?

now it's 945 am
u r welcome
keep smiling:-)

Thank you for your information. The time in my country here is 2.45pm. I have not started smiling today my friend.

just say chiece
start smiling :-)

I am hungry now that is why I haven't start smiling. I will smile when my stomach is full. hahaha....

:-)

more than smile !!

that is better
keep smiling :-)

Thought I shared these ones....
She's Dumb:

Yo momma is so dumb, she sat for an hour and a half trying to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Yo momma is so dumb, she runs out and checks her mail box every time AOL tells her, "You've got mail!"

Yo momma is so dumb, she was driving to Disneyland only to see a sign that said, "Disneyland, left." So she turned around and went home.

Yo momma is so dumb, she sat at a stop sign for three weeks waiting for it to turn green.

Yo momma is so dumb, she got hit by a parked car.

Yo momma is so dumb, you can blow in one ear and feel the breeze out the other side.

ha ha ha ha ha ha...................

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"

hahahahahah
nice one
keep smiling :-)

Yo mama so fat she fell into the Grand Canyon and got stuck!

Yo mama so fat when she got on the pay scales at the mall, the little slip of paper came out and it read, "One at a time please!"

Yo mama so fat, when she gets on the elevator and pushes the "up" button, the elevator goes DOWN.

Yo mama so fat when she goes to the buffet restaurant, they close their doors when they see her coming.

thanks hussain,,
u make me laugh not smile anymore..

that is good
keep smiling :-)

that is good i am happy
keep smiling :-)

I want to take a break. And then the boss to fry. Later... ?

hahahaha
just keep smiling ^__^

I want to cry

why u wanna cry
don't cry baby
just smile ^__^

Haha ! These jokes are wonderful! Thank you very much!

u r welcome
just keep on smiling :-)

hussain - many thanks for making me smile today.

and a many welcomes
just keep on smiling :-)

Poem written by an angry wife to his husband

I wrote ur name on sand, it got washed
I wrote ur name in air, it was blown away then
I wrote ur name in my heart,and i got heart attack

God saw me hungry, he created pizza
He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi
He saw mw in dark, he created light
He saw me without problems,he created you

Twinkle, twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once u know what u are
Mental hospital is not so far

The rain makes all things beautiful
The grass and flowers too
If rains makes all things beautiful
Why it doesn't it rain on you?

Roses are red,violets are blue
Monkey's like you should be kept in zoo
Don't feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you!!!

When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...I Gave Up Reading.

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses... He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.

Sign In A Bar: "Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance."

Sign In Driving School: If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.

Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.

The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.

Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.

Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You sleep Alone.

The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit: We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.

A Traffic Slogan: Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be.

Sign In A Restaurant: All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window: Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Grandmother !

PS... I FORGOT TO POS THE TITTLE... LOL...

SOME HUMOROUS SIGN ADS

Advertisement In A Long Island Shop: Guitar, for sale....... cheap....... ....no strings attached.

Ad.. In Hospital Waiting Room: Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!

Seen on a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.

HAHAHAHAHA
nice to hear from u
missing u
keep smiling :-)

missing u a lot too... dsmile

made me smile , cool

tnx dave...thats good really cool, i made u smile..

Life really boils down
to 2 questions...

1. Should I get a dog.....?
OR...

2. Should I have children?
Now that I made you smile, pass it on to someone else
who needs a laugh today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just to let you know
I'm thinking of you today.

No matter what situations life throws at you...

No matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem..

Remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel.



You're laughing aren't you?
That's good 'cause my job here is done!

Have a great day and remember to give thanks....


Cats are so dramatic!!

just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.


I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.


I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.


ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.


I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1, 387, 258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15, 000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363, 214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish.


I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.


I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ’Under God’ on their cans.


I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.


I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.


AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can’t ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies!

I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.


If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144, 000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician . .
Oh, by the way.....
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late!

hahahahahaha
nice comments
u r reight
just keep smiling :-)

keeping smile benefits to all. let us smile together forever.

yah and this is what i am trying to do
thanks for coming in
keep smiling :-)

thnx man u had a great jokes it makes me laugh even just for a while....

good to hear that
just keep smiling :-)

a man to the wife: didn't you remember our vows? "till death do us part?"
wife: die yourself, i can't go with you

hahahaha
nice one
keep smiling :-)

DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Bcoz my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already!


OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl. On their first night both were crying - why??? Coz she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything.

hahahahahahah
the best joke i had ever heard
cooooooooool
keep smiling :-)

thank u... its really cool ... to make us keep smiling }:}hahaha

hahaha!u make me laugh not smile.

that is better
keep smiling :-)

GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor!!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.
DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly.

hahahahahaah
lol all sexy joks that makes feel sexy too lol
keep smiling :-)

no need sexy jokes for u, cz ur sexy already ... hahaahah ...jst wanna keep smiling.. see i can make u smile... lol

thanks baby
mmooha

HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man? Daughter on the cover of cosmo. Son on the cover of sports illustrated. Mistress on the cover of playboy and . Wife on the cover of "missing persons
RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!
SWIMSUIT
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented? To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.

hahahahahaha
u r really funny in a sexy way lol
keep smiling :-)

cz u make me sexy and funny...lol.. to keep on smiling here, its really makes all the women sexy .... hahahaaha ... thank u and take care!

yes i am... hahahaaha... i keep on laughing..

~ Santa: What do you want to become in your next life?
Banta: A cockroach.
Santa: Why?
Banta: My wife is not scared of me but too scared of cockroach


Santa: What is the difference between “complete and finish”?
Banta: When you marry a right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one you are finished !!!!!

UR RIGHT...HEHEHHEH.SMILE ALWAYS.

yeah jst smile.... makes us all beautiful always... hehehehe

yeah, hope thank's n takecare over der, keep up good.

hahhahhahhahah cuteee hahha

hi!!! r u the moderator of wanna smile now? where is my friend hussain?y he did not answer the topics? lol

sure why not, thank's..SMILE ALWAYS>

The Sharing of Marriage

The old man placed order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered
(Continue below - This is great)






'THE TEETH.
.

hahahahahah loooooooooool
that is really nice hahahaha
just keep smiling:-)

Ha ha ha ha. Yea, I really love not just to smile but also laugh every minute of my life. LOL That's why I love funny stories. ha ha ha LOL

hahahahahah loooooooooool :-)
that is really nice hahahaha
just keep smiling :-)

hahaha.nice too.......

thank you!

Ha ha ha ha
You are welcome

HAHAHAHA....'TWAS FUNNY !!!!

Ha ha ha ha ha LOL LOL

Marriage is fun....lol!

Ingat lagi!

Yea, ha ha ha
Take care too.

now thats funny

GREAT..I SMILE INDEED, SMILE ALWAYS.

Ah! Ha Ha...Don't even know where to begin...well, first off, I like the sharing part. I think people tend to forget the real value of sharing most especially when you have the means to do it.
The socond part is, not with "THE TEETH" though...that's just yikes! I may love somebody that much but HOLY GUACAMOLE! not with that! :-)

hahaha
come on it's love
loool
keep smiling :-)

LOL....I know...but it is a very gross kinda love...ha ha ...
I am smiling...he he he
:-)

hahahah
that is right
any way just keep smiling :-)

2 Lovers plan to suicide. Boy jumped first, Girl closed her eyes & return back saying love is blind. Boy in air opened his parachute saying love never dies


hahahahahahahhahahahahah

hahahahaha
keep smiling :-)

ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho he he he he he

REALLY FUN..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

your right Janette i can share only my underwear..........to my husband.if he share my bra thats another thing...things that questionable.hahahaha

hahahahah lool
underwears maybe but keep ur bra for ur self lool
keep miling :-)

hahahha yes,im doing that Hussain.tnx

.........i'm wiling to share lipstics, glossy nail polish, mascara, eye lash curler, and all the things in my vanity kit....hahahaha

if u need it call me......lol

i don't want keep it for ur self so that when u will be with a guy u can go to the bathroom loooool
keep smiling :-)

no....i don't go for guys anymore. Girls are better.

hahaha

loool

Who said english is easy???Fill in the blank with YES or No... 1.-----I have brain... 2.-----I dont have sence... 3.-----I am stupid....
»

An Irish priest is transferred to Texas. Father O'Malley rose from his bed and discovered it was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Father O'Malley then replied, "Aye, tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to first notify the next of kin."

hahahahaha loooooool
good one thanks
keep smiling :-)

How to Tell the gender of a Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?"
She asked.

"Hunting Flies"
He responded.

"Oh. ! Killing any?"
She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"

He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone."

hahahaha looooooooooooooooooool
nice one thanks
keep smiling :-)

hahah nice one too..........

thanks im laughing.....hahaha

A Priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their experiences...

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well, " he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's Holy Word, and praising Jesus."

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start..."

i am sorry but we r not talking about relgins here please read my topic carefully
keep smiling :-)

Sorry... but with all the intolerance based on the Christian religion, I like to find things that are religious to laugh about. I don't discriminate....Catholic, Protestant, Jew, Muslim, etc...

But if religious jokes are offensive to you, I will go in another direction.

u can but please without abuseing any other religen
i don't want any fight on my topics plz
allah bless u
keep smiling :-)

A man and his wife have a terrible argument, with the volume of their voices so loud they would shame a police siren (really, that loud!). About an hour later, the woman comes downstairs after sulking in their bedroom. She finds her husband sitting on the sofa with their marriage license and a magnifying glass in his hands.

"What are you doing?" She sniffs. "Reliving the day when we got married?"

"Hell no!" He replied. "I'm looking for the expiration date."

hahahahahaha loooooooool
this so funny and a good idea also
why the marrige has no expiration ??
loool
keep smiling:-)

Old Woman and Her New Hat

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat tight
so that it would not blow away in the wind.


A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam.
I do not intend to be forward
but did you know that your dress
is blowing up in this high wind?"


"Yes, I know," said the lady.
"I need both my hands
to hold onto this hat."


"But madam, you must know that you are
not wearing any panties
and your privates are exposed!"
said the gentleman in earnest.


The woman looked down,
then back up at the man
and replied,
"Sir, anything you see down there
is 85 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!"

hahahahahahaha
lolz
this one is too funny it's the best
keep smiling :-)

Ummmm... could we push the envelope back in the other direction?

i didn't get it
i am really sorry
keep smiling :-)
peace

A guest speaker was talking to a member of the audience after his rather long speech.


"How did you find my speech?"

"Oh, very refreshing, very refreshing indeed."

"Did you really?" asked the delighted speaker.

"Oh sure, I felt like a new person when I woke up!"

The Pope, Billy Graham, and a Television Evangelist (who shall remain nameless) were among the passengers on a trans-Atlantic flight. The plane crashed in the ocean and all passengers died.

When the three men of God arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter threw up his hands in dismay.

"Oh my, " groaned St. Peter. "Your arrival is completely unexpected so your quarters aren't ready just yet."

Thinking hard, St. Peter got an idea. He quickly pressed the "Hell" button on his intercom, then said, "Hi Lucifer, I need a favor. You see, I've got these three fellows up here. They're ours, but they weren't expected right now so we need to fix the place up for them. If you could put them up for a while, I'll owe you one."

Reluctantly, the Devil agreed.

The next day, St. Peter's intercom buzzes. "Hey Pete, this is Lucifer. Man, you have to come get these three men outta here RIGHT NOW! The Pope is forgiving everybody. Billy Graham is saving everybody. Worst of all, that Television Evangelist has raised enough money to install central air conditioning!"

What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?


At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story ..








At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.








At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.








At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.








At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.








At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.






At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!








At 78 -- What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?

wooooooooow man from where u get these jokes
keep smiling :-)

wooooooooow man from where u get these jokes
keep smiling :-).

why its not funny?

no it so funny i really like it
thank u so much my sweet friend
keep smiling :-)

LMAO ! why i didn't see this before? :))

u r reading my biography ha ha ha ha :P

ooppppsss sorry ate v...:) i didnt mean it...hehehe
i cant words te....mwahhhh!!!!:)

as always, IV.....you are the most beautiful comedienne I've ever seen :)))

te v, put s. ivs for short..:) i just got it from you...your the sexiest, most beautiful and i cant words ate....:) luv u mwahhh!!!!

love u all
keep smiling :-)

love u all
keep smiling :-)

A little girl asked her mother, ’How did the human race appear?’

The mother answered, ’God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, ’Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, ’Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?’

The mother answered, ’Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.

Good one!

ha ha ha ha ha.....

u r Good too

Children’s Science Exam

If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children’s science exam answers...

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (The kid gets an A+ for this answer!)

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does ’varicose’ mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term ’Caesarian Section.’
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word ’benign’ mean?’
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

hahahahaahaha
that is really funny
thank u so much
keep smiling :-)

LOLLOLOLOL...
love to see the district "Caesarian Section" in Rome...
Funny....

Johnny, a very bright 5 year old, told his daddy he’d like to have a baby brother and, along with his request, offered to do whatever he could to help. His dad, a very bright 35 year old, paused for a moment and then replied, " I’ll tell you what, Johnny, if you pray every day for two months for a baby brother, I guarantee that God will give you one!"

Johnny responded eagerly to his dad’s challenge and went to his bedroom early that night to start praying for a baby brother.

He prayed every night for a whole month, but after that time, he began to get skeptical. He checked around the neighborhood and found out that what he thought was going to happen, had never occurred in the history of the neighborhood. You just don’t pray for two months and then, whammo- a new baby brother. So, Johnny quit praying. After another month, Johnny’s mother went to the hospital. When she came back home, Johnny’s parents called him into the bedroom. He cautiously walked into the room, not expecting to find anything, and there was a little bundle lying right next to his mother. His dad pulled back the blanket and there was -- not one baby brother, but two!! His mother had twins!

Johnny’s dad looked down at him and said, "Now aren’t you glad you prayed?"

Johnny hesitated a little and then looked up at his dad and said, "Yes, but aren’t you glad I quit when I did?"

hahahahahhhh..........

Rings B4 & After Marriage
>

There was a couple (JOhn & Marshia) sched to be married the following week...

Parents of the couples: John & marshia are you aware of the RINGS before and after marriage..

John & marshia: Yes mom & pops...we are well aware it...actually we have bought it already one pair each for the EngagementRING and another pair for marriageRING.

Parents of couples : What about the rest of the rings...?

John and marshia : what do you mean of other rings??
You mean there are more rings.?.

Parents : Yes my son and daughter...there are 2 more RINGS...

John & marshia: What is it then???

Parent : OH... your not aware that after marriage there will be ...enduRING and..... SufferRING...

Ahh ha ha ha.....

Chocolate and Peanut

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady,

" why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied,

"We just love the chocolate around them, we ate the chocolate coating and give you the peanuts to eat."

Ewwww!!! ha ha ha ha ha

Wanna have some peanuts? Ha ha ha yuuuuck! LOL

LOLOLLL no thanks Ms. Marg......if it was my 6 y.o. dtr's I prob. would ........he he he

Okay ha ha ha. If you don't like, . . . I might just offer peanuts to others. ha ha ha

A robot that can catch thieves invented by Scotland Yard Police was tested in a London Mall. In 5 min. 3 thieves were nabbed by the robot.

Again they tested it in a New York Mall, in 5 min. 10 thieves were nabbed.

They tested it in the Philippines’ Mall of Asia, in 3 min. the robot disappeared.



pinoy jokes.net

LOLZZ!!
syempre mahal yata ang metal ngayon....

:)00)

hehehe.....:)

te, dito na naman tayo tambay...hehehe englishin natin.....:) luv you!!! my big sis!!! mwahhhh...:)

oppppppssss, sorry Hussi! :(
syempre mahal ang metal ngayon.....trans: due to economic reasons, ppl tend to do whatever it takes to survive...instead of the robot catching the thieves/robbers, robot is caught and sold for metal pieces....:-) did I explain it right, my sistahs??

:-))

yup ate.....:) hehehe...hugs and kisses for you,,, :)

PLANE AT LAST!!

Passengers on a Philippine Airlines flight heard this
announcement from the captain, Capt. Juan Amorpropio:

"Mga kababayan, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power
to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"

The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation
but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement:

"Mga kababayan, we at Philippine Airlines have prepared for such
an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating
so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane
and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"

As commented by one of the passengers:

"Galing, that's what i like about PAL, always has some contingency
measures of some sort!, I hope they help me out
coz' i definitely don't know how to swim."

After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating
to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain
made a belly landing in the ocean.

The captain once again made an announcement:

"Mga kababayan we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers
on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly
swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left
side of plane

THANK YOU FOR FLYING PHILIPPINE AIRLINES."

(filipinojokes)

hahahahah
i'll never travel throuw phlip airlines again
hahahahah
keep smiling :-)

why bestfriend? you dont know how to swim? me, lets just walk not swimming...hehehe:)

Sum Ting Wong's JOB INTERVIEW - new version
Submitted by Solivar

Sum Ting Wong went for a job interview to be a secretary.
When the manager saw Sum Ting Wong's colorful attire
and gold & white-highlighted hair, his mind is
screaming "NOT THIS WOMAN". Nevertheless, he still
had to entertain SumTing Wong.
So he told Sum Ting Wong, "If you could form a
sentence using the words that I'll give you, then
maybe I will give you a chance!. The words are
GREEN,PINK, YELLOW,BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK"
Sum Ting Wong thought for a while and said:
"I hear the phone GREEN, GREEN, GREEN, then I go and
PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW....BLUE's that? WHITE
did you say? Aiyah,wrong number, lah.... Don't
PURPLEly disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok?
Thank You."
The Manager fainted.


(filipinojokes)

FLY

FLY ASIAN SPIRITS!
You fly as asians, you land as spirits!

FLY CEBU PACIFIC!
You depart from Cebu, you arrive
at the PACIFIC ocean!


-------------------------------------------------------------

MAN ASKING GOD
Man: God how long is a million years 2 u?
God: A second.
Man: How much is $1 million to u?
God: A cent.
Man: Can I have a cent?
God: Just a second............
(filipinojokes)

ONLY IF

If only ADAM & EVE were Asians, they

would not have committed the original sin.......

they will eat the snakes

and sell the apples......:)

THE PINOY EXPORT

A Pinoy is having his "SNACK" (bread and ube jam), when an Caucasian
American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The Pinoy ignores the Caucasian American who, nevertheless, starts a
conversation.

Caucasian American: "You Filipino folks eat the whole bread??"

Pinoy (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Caucasian American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In the
States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle it, transform them into pandesal and export them to the Philippines ."

The Caucasian American has a smirk on his face. The Pinoy listens in silence.

The Caucasian American persists: "D'ya eat jelly with the bread??"

Pinoy: "Of Course."

Caucasian American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling).
"We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put
all the peels, seeds, and left-over in containers, recycle them, transform
them into jam and export them to the Philippines ."

The Pinoy (kind of pissed na!) then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"

Caucasian American: "Why? Of course we do", with a big smirk.

Pinoy: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Caucasian American: "We throw them away, of course."

Pinoy: "In the Philippines, we don't throw them. We put them in a container,
recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and export them to the States."

hhahahahaha
great philipino jokes
thanks
keep smiling :-)

that is filipino my friend, we always love to laugh and smile and share it with others. thats why we look younger than our age. hehehe....:)

Gosh, Ivy. GGGrrreeeeaaaat jokes u got there !!!!!

ate v, still not corny?( in filipino, di pa mais?) hehehe:) sort of old jokes...:)

nah....ngayon ko lang nabasa and i like it coz Filipino. d best ka, girl!

During heavy flooding caused by La Nina, a priest refused to obey evacuation orders and decided to stay back in town. As the flood waters rose higher, he climbed to the roof of his house and started praying to God for help.

After an hour of devout praying, a boat came by. The priest refused the boat crew's help.

"God will come to my assistance," he said. And he remained on the roof of his house.

After another hour praying, a canoe came by. The priest refused the owner's help.

"God will rescue me," he said. And he remained on the roof of his house.

After yet another hour of prayer, a helicopter flew by. Yet again, the priest refused help.

"God will help me", he said. And again, he remained on the roof of his house.

Despite continuous praying, the flood waters rose and the priest eventually drowned in the raging water.

In heaven, he met God and asked Him, "Why didn't you help me? I called for help and you didn't answer my prayers!"

"Didn't the help arrive?" Asked God. " I sent a canoe, a boat, AND a chopper to your rescue!"

thank u so much
keep smiling :-)

thank u so much
keep smiling :-)

It's Hell to be Old

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she trie d too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.

mommy.... galing! you really good... its not hehehee.... its hahahahaa.......:)

MOST FORGETFUL GANDFATHER

Grand son1: my grandpa is the most 4getful …imagine he always forgot to returnback his pants zipper when ever he finished urinating…He forgets to eat on time..

Grandson 2: No match to my grandpa…he always 4gets his real name, his home address his wife name and even his sons and daughters names..

Grandson 3: Well guys your grandpa is not even that close to my grandpa..

Grandson 1&2: How come you can be sure of that…whats your grandpas score THEN??

Grandson 3: Oh Im too sure of that….because my grandpa is now resting in peace WHY?...”IMAGINE HE FORGOT TO WAKEUP TO GET BACK TO LIFE…BECAUSE HE FORGOT TO BREATH….”

it's very kind of you to do this,,
i like the " light bulb" most..

here is a joke that i translate from the chinese one:
once during an exam, the teacher give a girl two papers by mistake,the girl called out loudly: i got ,i got ...and a boy next to her called: it;s mine,it;s mine...

actually,i don't know if you understand this joke,
in chinese ,there's always some leave out in sentence,
this is just a slip of tongue,but i laughed out for a long time.. haha

hope more and more people join this smile party

hahahahahaha
i don't get it sorry lol
thanks for sharing smiles with us
keep smiling :-)

that's all right,,
that joke means that ,the girl said "i got a baby".the boy said it's his....

now i got it i got it lol
it's mine if u got it lol
keep smiling :-)

10 Commandments Of Marriage


Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are
thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention
to every word you say; talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something you say.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wife
treats husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10.
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished..

(ex-designz)

The real truth....very good!!!

> What's the best form of birth control after 50?
>
> Nudity
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
>
> 45 lbs.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
>
> 45 minutes.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
>
> Through his chest with a sharp knife.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Why do men want to marry virgins?
>
> They can't stand criticism.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
and
> good looking?
>
> Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
>
> After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
>
> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
> driving.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What do you call a smart blonde?
>
> A golden retriever.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Why does the bride always wear white?
>
> Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
>
> refrigerator.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
>
> Ask your Mom.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> How do you know when you're really ugly?
>
> Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
>
> When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Father's day, what do single guys
> have?
>
> Palm Sunday.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
>
> Her navel.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
>
> Bingo machine.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Why did God create alcohol?
>
> So ugly people could have sex, too.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
>
> "Are you sure it's mine?"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
>
> They named him Sum Ting Wong.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
>
> Breasts don't have eyes.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
>
> A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage,
> along with a recipe.
>

>
> What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern
> fairytale?
>
>
> A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale
> begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****."


(ex-designz)

woow
hahahahaha idid lought untill i falled down
keep smiling baby :-)

i did. but not smiling.... its laughing.....:)

A Divorce Hearing
Wife: We were very happy for over a year, your Honor, and then BABY came.
Judge: Boy or Girl?
Wife: your Honor, a model who moved next door!! :)


(thebestfilipinojokes)

hahahaaha
this the best ever hahahaha
keep smiling :-)

The preacher was beginning the opening prayer before a fully packed 1000-seat congregation...

’Dear Lord, ’ he began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upward turned face...’Without you, we are but dust...’

He would have continued but at that moment a very rambunctious daughter who was listening leaned over to her mom and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old voice,


’Mom, what is butt dust?!?’

A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college, but half way through the
semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.

He calls home. "Dad, " he says, "You won't believe what modern education is
developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our
dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing, " his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1, 000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him
in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1, 000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy
calls home.

"So how's Ol' Blue doing, son, " his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm, " he says, "but you just won't
believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the
animals how to read!"
"Read!" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2, 500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives.

But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out
the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad, " the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before
we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner,
reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives in town?"

The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that big-mouthed mutt before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer ....... And then he went on to
become a Congressman.

hahahahahaha
dog reading very good Idea lol
keep smiling :-)

Rednecks are usually found in my part of the United States. They are known for their hunting, fishing, crude clothing and equally crude behavior. With all that in mind, enjoy these redneck jokes....

You might be a redneck if...

You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

You’ve ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.

You think the Bud Bowl is real.

Your dog goes "oink!"

You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.

Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
Y
ou know how to milk a goat.

Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache.

Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.

You’ve ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.

Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.

You have a refrigerator just for beer.

You come back from the dump with more than you took.

Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.

You’ve ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.

You don’t think baseball players spit and scratch too much.

You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve yourselves.

The most common phrase heard in your house is, "Somebody go jiggle the handle."

You can’t take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants.

The family dog gives birth to a litter of puppies in the middle of the living room floor and nobody notices.

The main road to your house isn’t paved.

You can belch and say the whole alphabet at the same time.

You wonder why Noah didn’t bring more than two fishing worms onto the ark.

Your favorite passtime is dumpster diving.

She was so blonde...

...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box
because it said "concentrate".

...she put lipstick on her forehead
because she wanted to make up her mind.

...she told me to meet her
at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".

...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

...she sat on the TV and watched the couch.

...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

...she tried to drown a fish.

...she thought a quarterback was a refund.

...she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

...under "education" on her job application,
she put "Hooked On Phonics".

...she tripped over a cordless phone.

...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"..
she put "Sagittarius".

...if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.

...she studied for a blood test ...and failed.

...she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

...she sold the car for gas money.

...when she heard that 90% of all crimes
occur around the home, she moved.

hahaha.. more than a smile.. i really laugh...
nice post guys..

Hussain, thanks for starting it...
keep on posting guys...

u r welcome
keep on reading and keep on smiling :-)

reasons not to mess with children.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like..'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>



The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture..
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty..'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples..' :)

thank u so much sweety
keep smiling :-)

A man walked into a doctor's office with a huge bullfrog attached to the top of his head. The doctor was apparently dumbfounded for a few seconds, then shook his head and said to no one in particular.

"Hmmmmm, what do we have here?"

The bullfrog promptly relplied. "I don't know doc, It started out this morning as a wart on my foot."

thank u so much
allah bless u
keep smiling :-)

Who’s your best friend. your dog or your wife?
Your dog of course!

If you don’t believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, see who is really happy to see you!

He’s distracted by cats chasing his mouse.

SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.

Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.

Three words: carpal paw syndrome.

Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that he’s browsing www.purina.com instead of working.

The fire hydrant icon is simply too frustrating.

He can’t help attacking the screen when he hears, "You’ve Got Mail."

It’s too messy to "mark" every Web site he visits.


The FETCH command isn’t available on all platforms.

He can’t stick his head out of Windows XP.

funny!

hahahahah
i'll never travel throuw phlip airlines again
hahahahah
keep smiling :-)

He was running away from Col. Sanders.

He wanted to lay it on the line.

He wanted to prove to the possum it could be done.

A farmer who’s been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim.

"I understand you’re claiming damages for the injuries you’re supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company.

"Yes, that’s right," replied the farmer, nodding his head.

"You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, ’I’ve never felt better in my life.’ Is that the case?"

"Yeah, but" stammered the farmer.

"A simple yes or no will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly.

"Yes," Replied the farmer.

Then it was the turn of the farmer’s counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said.

"Certainly," replied the farmer. "After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead. Then he goes over to my dog, looks at him and shoots him dead too. Then he come straight over to me and asked me how I was feeling. Now... what the heck would you have said to him?"

son looking at his pregnant mom
son: what is this mom? ...pointed at her abodomen
mom: this is ur brother
son: r u love him
mom: yas of course
son: .....so why u eat him

hahahahah
lol
nice one thanks
keep smiling :-)

Three construction workers were eating lunch at the top of a 30 story skyscraper framework. The first, a Mexican, opens up his lunch bucket and exclaims "Burritos again! If I have to eat another burrito for lunch, I'm jumping off this skyscraper!"

The Irish worker opens his lunch bucket and exclaims, "Cornbeef and cabbage again! If I have to eat cornbeef and cabbage one more time, I'm jumping off this skyscraper.

The blond guy, also on the construction team, opens up his lunch box and exclaims "Hot dogs and coleslaw again! If I have to eat hotdogs and cole slaw again, I'm jumping off this skyscraper."

The next day at lunch, the Mexican worker opens his lunch box, screams, and then jumps off the skyscraper. The Irish worker opens up his lunch box, screams and jumps off the skyscraper as well. The blonde guy opens up his lunch bucket, screams and jumps off the skyscraper following his co-workers example.

At the joint funeral for the three men, the widows, in tears lamented the passing of their husbands. The Mexican woman wept and said "If I had known he didn't like burrittos, I would have fixed him something differernt for his lunch."

The Irishman's wife heaved great sobs and cried "Had I known he disliked cornbeef and cabbage so much, I would have gladly made him something different too."

As those attending the funeral looked at the blonde guy's wife and waited for her to speak, she spoke defensiviely with a harsh scowl.

"Don't look at me.... He packed his own lunch every day...."

Thanks.Maybe it is true in our life .

u r welcome the mean thing that it makes u smile
keep smiling :-)

Yes! I nearly forgot it .Now, I remember it。Sure，it is very funny! My fiends and I have kept smile for a long time .

keep on smling life don't deserve to be sad for it
:-)

Not too understands ，Possibly was I was too agitated recently

just keep smiling u don't have to understand that lol
keep smiling :-)

My mood is not good, I cannot achieve look like you to be such happy.

i am trying to make everyone smiling
life is nice
:-)

However still thanked you

u r welcome
keep smiling :-)

Tks for sharing.
Smile can keep our health in a better condition
Keep smiling,hussain.
Have a nice weekend.

thank u
u too
keep smiling :-)

Erap went to emergency room...

Erap: Doctor! Doctor! I swallowed a bone

Doctor: Are you choking?

Erap: No, I’m serious!!!

(pinoyjokes)

A Filipino guy gets stopped by immigration at the airport.
Immigration tells him, "Use the words 'chicken not bread' in a sentence.
" The Filipino looks around, puts a bag over a woman's head and yells,
"Chee kennot bred! Chee kennot bred!" (accent on "she cannot breathe")

(filipinojokes)

hahahaha nice Fili[pino joks
lol
keep smiling :-)

KEEP SMILING SEXY????
:)



Meandmyspace.com - More Myspace Hello And Hi Comments

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take ONE suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter.

St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"

But the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."

St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought pavement?!!!"

Terrific!
I enjoy it!
3ks so much!

good that u enjoy it
kept up always
and keep smiling :-)

What is a fart?

A fart it is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.

A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song....

A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent , and deadly.

A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......

A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.

From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.

ohhhhh hahahahaha
sound nice when a fart comes for a girl lol ;-)
keep smiling :-)

Much nicer when a fart came from a man. It roars like thunder ha ha ha ha ha

HAHAHAH
THANK U SO MUCH FOR SHARING SMILES HERE
KEEP SMILING :-)

Ha ha. You're welcome. Just be careful not to laugh too loud, it's dangerous. Something might. . . .p f f f t t t t. ha ha ha.
Thanks for the joyful topic. Take care.

Dear Lord,

So for today, God; I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or even indulgent.

I'm very thankful for that - But in a very short time, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from that moment on I'm going to need a lot of help!

Amen

AMEN
Allah bless everyone

Here's mine - what do you call the baby or the name of the baby
chopstick? so simple joke and easy, right?

sorry guys when it comes to jokes, this is all I have...nakatago sa baol...lol

hahahah
it's ok honey
just keep smiling:-)

thanks baby for the funny Picture
keep smiling :-)

All the jokes are so fun here.
I was smiling when i read.
Thank you!

u r wellcome
thank u too for replying
keep smiling :-)

Hi Hussi, hope you don't mind my posting this.....

Smiling is a great way to make yourself stand out while helping your body to function better. Smile to improve your health, your stress level, and your attractiveness. Smiling is just one fun way to live longer read about the others and try as many as you can.


1. Smiling Makes Us Attractive
We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away -- but a smile draws them in.
2. Smiling Changes Our Mood
Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There's a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.
3. Smiling Is Contagious
When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.
4. Smiling Relieves Stress
Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you'll be better able to take action.
5. Smiling Boosts Your Immune System
Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed. Prevent the flu and colds by smiling.
6. Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure
When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?7. Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin
Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.
8. Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger
The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. Don't go for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day -- you'll look younger and feel better.
9. Smiling Makes You Seem Successful
Smiling people appear more confident, are more likely to be promoted, and more likely to be approached. Put on a smile at meetings and appointments and people will react to you differently.
10. Smiling Helps You Stay Positive
Try this test: Smile. Now try to think of something negative without losing the smile. It's hard. When we smile our body is sending the rest of us a message that "Life is Good!" Stay away from depression, stress and worry by smiling.

longevity.about.com/od/lifelongbeauty/tp/smiling.htm

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 a.m. While his coffee pot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA).

After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in.....AMERICA.....

hahahahaha
it so good joks
thank u so much
keep smiling :-)