2009年5月19日 7:9 wanna smile ?? come in (384 個評論)
- Hussain
- 24, 卡達
wanna smile ?? come in
LET US SMILE TOGETHER
GUYS AND GIRLS NO MATTER WHAT U DO OR WHAT IS UR RELIGEN
LET US JUST MAKE EACH OTHER SMILE
LET US SHARE JOKES I'LL START FIRST
((
A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
))
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
((
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
))
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
***************
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
**************
The First 3 Years of Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors LISTENS
****************
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
************
who is next ??
let us share smiles :-)
GUYS AND GIRLS NO MATTER WHAT U DO OR WHAT IS UR RELIGEN
LET US JUST MAKE EACH OTHER SMILE
LET US SHARE JOKES I'LL START FIRST
((
A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
))
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
((
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
))
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
***************
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
**************
The First 3 Years of Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors LISTENS
****************
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
************
who is next ??
let us share smiles :-)
2009年6月3日 16:20Re: wanna smile ?? come in
John
54, 奧古斯塔, 喬治亞州, 美國
The preacher was beginning the opening prayer before a fully packed 1000-seat congregation...
’Dear Lord, ’ he began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upward turned face...’Without you, we are but dust...’
He would have continued but at that moment a very rambunctious daughter who was listening leaned over to her mom and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old voice,
’Mom, what is butt dust?!?’
’Dear Lord, ’ he began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upward turned face...’Without you, we are but dust...’
He would have continued but at that moment a very rambunctious daughter who was listening leaned over to her mom and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old voice,
’Mom, what is butt dust?!?’
2009年6月3日 16:24Re: wanna smile ?? come in
John
54, 奧古斯塔, 喬治亞州, 美國
A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college, but half way through the
semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.
He calls home. "Dad, " he says, "You won't believe what modern education is
developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our
dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"
"That's amazing, " his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1, 000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him
in the course."
So, his father sends the dog and $1, 000.
About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy
calls home.
"So how's Ol' Blue doing, son, " his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm, " he says, "but you just won't
believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the
animals how to read!"
"Read!" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2, 500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives.
But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out
the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad, " the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before
we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner,
reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives in town?"
The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that big-mouthed mutt before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
The kid went on to be a successful lawyer ....... And then he went on to
become a Congressman.
semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.
He calls home. "Dad, " he says, "You won't believe what modern education is
developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our
dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"
"That's amazing, " his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1, 000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him
in the course."
So, his father sends the dog and $1, 000.
About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy
calls home.
"So how's Ol' Blue doing, son, " his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm, " he says, "but you just won't
believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the
animals how to read!"
"Read!" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2, 500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives.
But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out
the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad, " the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before
we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner,
reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives in town?"
The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that big-mouthed mutt before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
The kid went on to be a successful lawyer ....... And then he went on to
become a Congressman.
2009年6月4日 18:23You Might Be a Redneck If...
John
54, 奧古斯塔, 喬治亞州, 美國
Rednecks are usually found in my part of the United States. They are known for their hunting, fishing, crude clothing and equally crude behavior. With all that in mind, enjoy these redneck jokes....
You might be a redneck if...
You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You’ve ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
You think the Bud Bowl is real.
Your dog goes "oink!"
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
Y
ou know how to milk a goat.
Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache.
Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
You’ve ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.
Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
You have a refrigerator just for beer.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.
You’ve ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
You don’t think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve yourselves.
The most common phrase heard in your house is, "Somebody go jiggle the handle."
You can’t take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
The family dog gives birth to a litter of puppies in the middle of the living room floor and nobody notices.
The main road to your house isn’t paved.
You can belch and say the whole alphabet at the same time.
You wonder why Noah didn’t bring more than two fishing worms onto the ark.
Your favorite passtime is dumpster diving.
You might be a redneck if...
You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You’ve ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
You think the Bud Bowl is real.
Your dog goes "oink!"
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
Y
ou know how to milk a goat.
Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache.
Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
You’ve ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.
Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
You have a refrigerator just for beer.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.
You’ve ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
You don’t think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve yourselves.
The most common phrase heard in your house is, "Somebody go jiggle the handle."
You can’t take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
The family dog gives birth to a litter of puppies in the middle of the living room floor and nobody notices.
The main road to your house isn’t paved.
You can belch and say the whole alphabet at the same time.
You wonder why Noah didn’t bring more than two fishing worms onto the ark.
Your favorite passtime is dumpster diving.
2009年6月4日 18:45She was so blonde....
John
54, 奧古斯塔, 喬治亞州, 美國
She was so blonde...
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box
because it said "concentrate".
...she put lipstick on her forehead
because she wanted to make up her mind.
...she told me to meet her
at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
...she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she tried to drown a fish.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
...under "education" on her job application,
she put "Hooked On Phonics".
...she tripped over a cordless phone.
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"..
she put "Sagittarius".
...if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
...she studied for a blood test ...and failed.
...she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
...she sold the car for gas money.
...when she heard that 90% of all crimes
occur around the home, she moved.
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box
because it said "concentrate".
...she put lipstick on her forehead
because she wanted to make up her mind.
...she told me to meet her
at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
...she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she tried to drown a fish.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
...under "education" on her job application,
she put "Hooked On Phonics".
...she tripped over a cordless phone.
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"..
she put "Sagittarius".
...if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
...she studied for a blood test ...and failed.
...she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
...she sold the car for gas money.
...when she heard that 90% of all crimes
occur around the home, she moved.
2009年6月9日 18:10Re: wanna smile ?? come in
reasons not to mess with children.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like..'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture..
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty..'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples..' :)
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like..'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture..
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty..'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples..' :)
2009年6月11日 3:10Re: wanna smile ?? come in
John
54, 奧古斯塔, 喬治亞州, 美國
A man walked into a doctor's office with a huge bullfrog attached to the top of his head. The doctor was apparently dumbfounded for a few seconds, then shook his head and said to no one in particular.
"Hmmmmm, what do we have here?"
The bullfrog promptly relplied. "I don't know doc, It started out this morning as a wart on my foot."
"Hmmmmm, what do we have here?"
The bullfrog promptly relplied. "I don't know doc, It started out this morning as a wart on my foot."
2009年6月3日 10:6Re: wanna smile ?? come in
> What's the best form of birth control after 50?
>
> Nudity
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
>
> 45 lbs.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
>
> 45 minutes.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
>
> Through his chest with a sharp knife.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Why do men want to marry virgins?
>
> They can't stand criticism.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
and
> good looking?
>
> Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
>
> After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
>
> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
> driving.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What do you call a smart blonde?
>
> A golden retriever.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Why does the bride always wear white?
>
> Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
>
> refrigerator.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
>
> Ask your Mom.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> How do you know when you're really ugly?
>
> Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
>
> When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Father's day, what do single guys
> have?
>
> Palm Sunday.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
>
> Her navel.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
>
> Bingo machine.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Why did God create alcohol?
>
> So ugly people could have sex, too.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
>
> "Are you sure it's mine?"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
>
> They named him Sum Ting Wong.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
>
> Breasts don't have eyes.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
>
> A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage,
> along with a recipe.
>
>
> What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern
> fairytale?
>
>
> A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale
> begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****."
(ex-designz)