2009年5月19日 7:9 wanna smile ?? come in (384 個評論)
- Hussain
- 24, 卡達
wanna smile ?? come in
LET US SMILE TOGETHER
GUYS AND GIRLS NO MATTER WHAT U DO OR WHAT IS UR RELIGEN
LET US JUST MAKE EACH OTHER SMILE
LET US SHARE JOKES I'LL START FIRST
((
A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
))
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
((
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
))
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
***************
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
**************
The First 3 Years of Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors LISTENS
****************
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
************
who is next ??
let us share smiles :-)
GUYS AND GIRLS NO MATTER WHAT U DO OR WHAT IS UR RELIGEN
LET US JUST MAKE EACH OTHER SMILE
LET US SHARE JOKES I'LL START FIRST
((
A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
))
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
((
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
))
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
***************
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
**************
The First 3 Years of Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors LISTENS
****************
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
************
who is next ??
let us share smiles :-)
2009年5月29日 17:8Re: wanna smile ?? come in
FLY
FLY ASIAN SPIRITS!
You fly as asians, you land as spirits!
FLY CEBU PACIFIC!
You depart from Cebu, you arrive
at the PACIFIC ocean!
-------------------------------------------------------------
MAN ASKING GOD
Man: God how long is a million years 2 u?
God: A second.
Man: How much is $1 million to u?
God: A cent.
Man: Can I have a cent?
God: Just a second............
(filipinojokes)
FLY ASIAN SPIRITS!
You fly as asians, you land as spirits!
FLY CEBU PACIFIC!
You depart from Cebu, you arrive
at the PACIFIC ocean!
-------------------------------------------------------------
MAN ASKING GOD
Man: God how long is a million years 2 u?
God: A second.
Man: How much is $1 million to u?
God: A cent.
Man: Can I have a cent?
God: Just a second............
(filipinojokes)
2009年5月29日 17:16Re: wanna smile ?? come in
THE PINOY EXPORT
A Pinoy is having his "SNACK" (bread and ube jam), when an Caucasian
American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Pinoy ignores the Caucasian American who, nevertheless, starts a
conversation.
Caucasian American: "You Filipino folks eat the whole bread??"
Pinoy (in a bad mood): "Of course."
Caucasian American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In the
States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle it, transform them into pandesal and export them to the Philippines ."
The Caucasian American has a smirk on his face. The Pinoy listens in silence.
The Caucasian American persists: "D'ya eat jelly with the bread??"
Pinoy: "Of Course."
Caucasian American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling).
"We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put
all the peels, seeds, and left-over in containers, recycle them, transform
them into jam and export them to the Philippines ."
The Pinoy (kind of pissed na!) then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
Caucasian American: "Why? Of course we do", with a big smirk.
Pinoy: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Caucasian American: "We throw them away, of course."
Pinoy: "In the Philippines, we don't throw them. We put them in a container,
recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and export them to the States."
A Pinoy is having his "SNACK" (bread and ube jam), when an Caucasian
American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Pinoy ignores the Caucasian American who, nevertheless, starts a
conversation.
Caucasian American: "You Filipino folks eat the whole bread??"
Pinoy (in a bad mood): "Of course."
Caucasian American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In the
States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle it, transform them into pandesal and export them to the Philippines ."
The Caucasian American has a smirk on his face. The Pinoy listens in silence.
The Caucasian American persists: "D'ya eat jelly with the bread??"
Pinoy: "Of Course."
Caucasian American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling).
"We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put
all the peels, seeds, and left-over in containers, recycle them, transform
them into jam and export them to the Philippines ."
The Pinoy (kind of pissed na!) then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
Caucasian American: "Why? Of course we do", with a big smirk.
Pinoy: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Caucasian American: "We throw them away, of course."
Pinoy: "In the Philippines, we don't throw them. We put them in a container,
recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and export them to the States."
2009年5月30日 21:3God's Rescue Attempts
John
54, 奧古斯塔, 喬治亞州, 美國
During heavy flooding caused by La Nina, a priest refused to obey evacuation orders and decided to stay back in town. As the flood waters rose higher, he climbed to the roof of his house and started praying to God for help.
After an hour of devout praying, a boat came by. The priest refused the boat crew's help.
"God will come to my assistance," he said. And he remained on the roof of his house.
After another hour praying, a canoe came by. The priest refused the owner's help.
"God will rescue me," he said. And he remained on the roof of his house.
After yet another hour of prayer, a helicopter flew by. Yet again, the priest refused help.
"God will help me", he said. And again, he remained on the roof of his house.
Despite continuous praying, the flood waters rose and the priest eventually drowned in the raging water.
In heaven, he met God and asked Him, "Why didn't you help me? I called for help and you didn't answer my prayers!"
"Didn't the help arrive?" Asked God. " I sent a canoe, a boat, AND a chopper to your rescue!"
After an hour of devout praying, a boat came by. The priest refused the boat crew's help.
"God will come to my assistance," he said. And he remained on the roof of his house.
After another hour praying, a canoe came by. The priest refused the owner's help.
"God will rescue me," he said. And he remained on the roof of his house.
After yet another hour of prayer, a helicopter flew by. Yet again, the priest refused help.
"God will help me", he said. And again, he remained on the roof of his house.
Despite continuous praying, the flood waters rose and the priest eventually drowned in the raging water.
In heaven, he met God and asked Him, "Why didn't you help me? I called for help and you didn't answer my prayers!"
"Didn't the help arrive?" Asked God. " I sent a canoe, a boat, AND a chopper to your rescue!"
2009年5月31日 12:42Re: wanna smile ?? come in
It's Hell to be Old
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she trie d too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she trie d too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.
2009年6月1日 3:11Re: wanna smile ?? come in
MOST FORGETFUL GANDFATHER
Grand son1: my grandpa is the most 4getful …imagine he always forgot to returnback his pants zipper when ever he finished urinating…He forgets to eat on time..
Grandson 2: No match to my grandpa…he always 4gets his real name, his home address his wife name and even his sons and daughters names..
Grandson 3: Well guys your grandpa is not even that close to my grandpa..
Grandson 1&2: How come you can be sure of that…whats your grandpas score THEN??
Grandson 3: Oh Im too sure of that….because my grandpa is now resting in peace WHY?...”IMAGINE HE FORGOT TO WAKEUP TO GET BACK TO LIFE…BECAUSE HE FORGOT TO BREATH….”
Grand son1: my grandpa is the most 4getful …imagine he always forgot to returnback his pants zipper when ever he finished urinating…He forgets to eat on time..
Grandson 2: No match to my grandpa…he always 4gets his real name, his home address his wife name and even his sons and daughters names..
Grandson 3: Well guys your grandpa is not even that close to my grandpa..
Grandson 1&2: How come you can be sure of that…whats your grandpas score THEN??
Grandson 3: Oh Im too sure of that….because my grandpa is now resting in peace WHY?...”IMAGINE HE FORGOT TO WAKEUP TO GET BACK TO LIFE…BECAUSE HE FORGOT TO BREATH….”
2009年6月3日 5:36Re: wanna smile ?? come in
Jade
21, 西安, 陝西, 中國
it's very kind of you to do this,,
i like the " light bulb" most..
here is a joke that i translate from the chinese one:
once during an exam, the teacher give a girl two papers by mistake,the girl called out loudly: i got ,i got ...and a boy next to her called: it;s mine,it;s mine...
actually,i don't know if you understand this joke,
in chinese ,there's always some leave out in sentence,
this is just a slip of tongue,but i laughed out for a long time.. haha
hope more and more people join this smile party
i like the " light bulb" most..
here is a joke that i translate from the chinese one:
once during an exam, the teacher give a girl two papers by mistake,the girl called out loudly: i got ,i got ...and a boy next to her called: it;s mine,it;s mine...
actually,i don't know if you understand this joke,
in chinese ,there's always some leave out in sentence,
this is just a slip of tongue,but i laughed out for a long time.. haha
hope more and more people join this smile party
2009年6月3日 9:52Re: wanna smile ?? come in
10 Commandments Of Marriage
Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are
thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention
to every word you say; talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something you say.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9.
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wife
treats husband like toxic waste.
Commandment 10.
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished..
(ex-designz)
Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are
thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention
to every word you say; talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something you say.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9.
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wife
treats husband like toxic waste.
Commandment 10.
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished..
(ex-designz)
2009年5月29日 16:6Re: wanna smile ?? come in
Submitted by Solivar
Sum Ting Wong went for a job interview to be a secretary.
When the manager saw Sum Ting Wong's colorful attire
and gold & white-highlighted hair, his mind is
screaming "NOT THIS WOMAN". Nevertheless, he still
had to entertain SumTing Wong.
So he told Sum Ting Wong, "If you could form a
sentence using the words that I'll give you, then
maybe I will give you a chance!. The words are
GREEN,PINK, YELLOW,BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK"
Sum Ting Wong thought for a while and said:
"I hear the phone GREEN, GREEN, GREEN, then I go and
PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW....BLUE's that? WHITE
did you say? Aiyah,wrong number, lah.... Don't
PURPLEly disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok?
Thank You."
The Manager fainted.
(filipinojokes)