2009年5月19日 7:9 wanna smile ?? come in (384 個評論)
- Hussain
- 24, 卡達
wanna smile ?? come in
LET US SMILE TOGETHER
GUYS AND GIRLS NO MATTER WHAT U DO OR WHAT IS UR RELIGEN
LET US JUST MAKE EACH OTHER SMILE
LET US SHARE JOKES I'LL START FIRST
((
A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
))
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
((
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
))
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
***************
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
**************
The First 3 Years of Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors LISTENS
****************
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
************
who is next ??
let us share smiles :-)
GUYS AND GIRLS NO MATTER WHAT U DO OR WHAT IS UR RELIGEN
LET US JUST MAKE EACH OTHER SMILE
LET US SHARE JOKES I'LL START FIRST
((
A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
))
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
((
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
))
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
***************
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
**************
The First 3 Years of Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors LISTENS
****************
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
************
who is next ??
let us share smiles :-)
2009年5月21日 14:5Re: wanna smile ?? come in
John
54, 奧古斯塔, 喬治亞州, 美國
The Pope, Billy Graham, and a Television Evangelist (who shall remain nameless) were among the passengers on a trans-Atlantic flight. The plane crashed in the ocean and all passengers died.
When the three men of God arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter threw up his hands in dismay.
"Oh my, " groaned St. Peter. "Your arrival is completely unexpected so your quarters aren't ready just yet."
Thinking hard, St. Peter got an idea. He quickly pressed the "Hell" button on his intercom, then said, "Hi Lucifer, I need a favor. You see, I've got these three fellows up here. They're ours, but they weren't expected right now so we need to fix the place up for them. If you could put them up for a while, I'll owe you one."
Reluctantly, the Devil agreed.
The next day, St. Peter's intercom buzzes. "Hey Pete, this is Lucifer. Man, you have to come get these three men outta here RIGHT NOW! The Pope is forgiving everybody. Billy Graham is saving everybody. Worst of all, that Television Evangelist has raised enough money to install central air conditioning!"
When the three men of God arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter threw up his hands in dismay.
"Oh my, " groaned St. Peter. "Your arrival is completely unexpected so your quarters aren't ready just yet."
Thinking hard, St. Peter got an idea. He quickly pressed the "Hell" button on his intercom, then said, "Hi Lucifer, I need a favor. You see, I've got these three fellows up here. They're ours, but they weren't expected right now so we need to fix the place up for them. If you could put them up for a while, I'll owe you one."
Reluctantly, the Devil agreed.
The next day, St. Peter's intercom buzzes. "Hey Pete, this is Lucifer. Man, you have to come get these three men outta here RIGHT NOW! The Pope is forgiving everybody. Billy Graham is saving everybody. Worst of all, that Television Evangelist has raised enough money to install central air conditioning!"
2009年5月22日 8:44Re: wanna smile ?? come in
What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?
At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story ..
At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!
At 78 -- What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?
At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story ..
At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!
At 78 -- What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?
2009年8月3日 11:25Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: wanna smile ?? come in
as always, IV.....you are the most beautiful comedienne I've ever seen :)))
2009年8月3日 11:41Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: wanna smile ?? come in
te v, put s. ivs for short..:) i just got it from you...your the sexiest, most beautiful and i cant words ate....:) luv u mwahhh!!!!
2009年8月8日 0:24Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: wanna smile ?? come in
love u all
keep smiling :-)
keep smiling :-)
2009年5月22日 10:46Re: wanna smile ?? come in
John
54, 奧古斯塔, 喬治亞州, 美國
A little girl asked her mother, ’How did the human race appear?’
The mother answered, ’God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, ’Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, ’Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?’
The mother answered, ’Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.
The mother answered, ’God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, ’Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, ’Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?’
The mother answered, ’Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.
2009年5月26日 3:2Re: wanna smile ?? come in
John
54, 奧古斯塔, 喬治亞州, 美國
Children’s Science Exam
If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children’s science exam answers...
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (The kid gets an A+ for this answer!)
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does ’varicose’ mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term ’Caesarian Section.’
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word ’benign’ mean?’
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children’s science exam answers...
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (The kid gets an A+ for this answer!)
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does ’varicose’ mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term ’Caesarian Section.’
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word ’benign’ mean?’
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
2009年5月28日 17:42Doubly Powerful Prayer
John
54, 奧古斯塔, 喬治亞州, 美國
Johnny, a very bright 5 year old, told his daddy he’d like to have a baby brother and, along with his request, offered to do whatever he could to help. His dad, a very bright 35 year old, paused for a moment and then replied, " I’ll tell you what, Johnny, if you pray every day for two months for a baby brother, I guarantee that God will give you one!"
Johnny responded eagerly to his dad’s challenge and went to his bedroom early that night to start praying for a baby brother.
He prayed every night for a whole month, but after that time, he began to get skeptical. He checked around the neighborhood and found out that what he thought was going to happen, had never occurred in the history of the neighborhood. You just don’t pray for two months and then, whammo- a new baby brother. So, Johnny quit praying. After another month, Johnny’s mother went to the hospital. When she came back home, Johnny’s parents called him into the bedroom. He cautiously walked into the room, not expecting to find anything, and there was a little bundle lying right next to his mother. His dad pulled back the blanket and there was -- not one baby brother, but two!! His mother had twins!
Johnny’s dad looked down at him and said, "Now aren’t you glad you prayed?"
Johnny hesitated a little and then looked up at his dad and said, "Yes, but aren’t you glad I quit when I did?"
Johnny responded eagerly to his dad’s challenge and went to his bedroom early that night to start praying for a baby brother.
He prayed every night for a whole month, but after that time, he began to get skeptical. He checked around the neighborhood and found out that what he thought was going to happen, had never occurred in the history of the neighborhood. You just don’t pray for two months and then, whammo- a new baby brother. So, Johnny quit praying. After another month, Johnny’s mother went to the hospital. When she came back home, Johnny’s parents called him into the bedroom. He cautiously walked into the room, not expecting to find anything, and there was a little bundle lying right next to his mother. His dad pulled back the blanket and there was -- not one baby brother, but two!! His mother had twins!
Johnny’s dad looked down at him and said, "Now aren’t you glad you prayed?"
Johnny hesitated a little and then looked up at his dad and said, "Yes, but aren’t you glad I quit when I did?"
2009年5月29日 10:31Re: wanna smile ?? come in
Rings B4 & After Marriage
>
There was a couple (JOhn & Marshia) sched to be married the following week...
Parents of the couples: John & marshia are you aware of the RINGS before and after marriage..
John & marshia: Yes mom & pops...we are well aware it...actually we have bought it already one pair each for the EngagementRING and another pair for marriageRING.
Parents of couples : What about the rest of the rings...?
John and marshia : what do you mean of other rings??
You mean there are more rings.?.
Parents : Yes my son and daughter...there are 2 more RINGS...
John & marshia: What is it then???
Parent : OH... your not aware that after marriage there will be ...enduRING and..... SufferRING...
>
There was a couple (JOhn & Marshia) sched to be married the following week...
Parents of the couples: John & marshia are you aware of the RINGS before and after marriage..
John & marshia: Yes mom & pops...we are well aware it...actually we have bought it already one pair each for the EngagementRING and another pair for marriageRING.
Parents of couples : What about the rest of the rings...?
John and marshia : what do you mean of other rings??
You mean there are more rings.?.
Parents : Yes my son and daughter...there are 2 more RINGS...
John & marshia: What is it then???
Parent : OH... your not aware that after marriage there will be ...enduRING and..... SufferRING...
2009年5月29日 11:20Re: wanna smile ?? come in
Chocolate and Peanut
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady,
" why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied,
"We just love the chocolate around them, we ate the chocolate coating and give you the peanuts to eat."
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady,
" why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied,
"We just love the chocolate around them, we ate the chocolate coating and give you the peanuts to eat."
2009年6月12日 3:28Re: Re: Re: wanna smile ?? come in
Wanna have some peanuts? Ha ha ha yuuuuck! LOL
2009年6月13日 16:5Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: wanna smile ?? come in
Okay ha ha ha. If you don't like, . . . I might just offer peanuts to others. ha ha ha
2009年5月29日 15:39Re: wanna smile ?? come in
A robot that can catch thieves invented by Scotland Yard Police was tested in a London Mall. In 5 min. 3 thieves were nabbed by the robot.
Again they tested it in a New York Mall, in 5 min. 10 thieves were nabbed.
They tested it in the Philippines’ Mall of Asia, in 3 min. the robot disappeared.
pinoy jokes.net
2009年6月13日 16:46Re: Re: Re: Re: wanna smile ?? come in
oppppppssss, sorry Hussi! :(
syempre mahal ang metal ngayon.....trans: due to economic reasons, ppl tend to do whatever it takes to survive...instead of the robot catching the thieves/robbers, robot is caught and sold for metal pieces....:-) did I explain it right, my sistahs??
:-))
syempre mahal ang metal ngayon.....trans: due to economic reasons, ppl tend to do whatever it takes to survive...instead of the robot catching the thieves/robbers, robot is caught and sold for metal pieces....:-) did I explain it right, my sistahs??
:-))
2009年5月29日 16:0Re: wanna smile ?? come in
PLANE AT LAST!!
Passengers on a Philippine Airlines flight heard this
announcement from the captain, Capt. Juan Amorpropio:
"Mga kababayan, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power
to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation
but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement:
"Mga kababayan, we at Philippine Airlines have prepared for such
an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating
so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane
and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"
As commented by one of the passengers:
"Galing, that's what i like about PAL, always has some contingency
measures of some sort!, I hope they help me out
coz' i definitely don't know how to swim."
After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating
to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain
made a belly landing in the ocean.
The captain once again made an announcement:
"Mga kababayan we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers
on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly
swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left
side of plane
THANK YOU FOR FLYING PHILIPPINE AIRLINES."
(filipinojokes)
Passengers on a Philippine Airlines flight heard this
announcement from the captain, Capt. Juan Amorpropio:
"Mga kababayan, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power
to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation
but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement:
"Mga kababayan, we at Philippine Airlines have prepared for such
an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating
so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane
and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"
As commented by one of the passengers:
"Galing, that's what i like about PAL, always has some contingency
measures of some sort!, I hope they help me out
coz' i definitely don't know how to swim."
After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating
to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain
made a belly landing in the ocean.
The captain once again made an announcement:
"Mga kababayan we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers
on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly
swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left
side of plane
THANK YOU FOR FLYING PHILIPPINE AIRLINES."
(filipinojokes)
2009年5月21日 12:50Re: wanna smile ?? come in
"How did you find my speech?"
"Oh, very refreshing, very refreshing indeed."
"Did you really?" asked the delighted speaker.
"Oh sure, I felt like a new person when I woke up!"